How to Stay Present When Photographing Your Kids
I'm sure you've seen in a thousand times, a mom at the park is watching her kid go down the slide for the first time, and she's cheering her on and smiling at her, but her eyes are on her phone. In fact, she watches that moment happen on her phone as she records a video instead of seeing it happen right in front of her and making eye contact with her kid.
We've all been there.
We are accustomed to documenting everything and that means we miss so much in person, looking our children in the eyes. In fact, on the 3 in 30 podcast, clinical psychologist Katie Penry goes into detail about this very topic, and tells us exactly why it's so damaging to our children to be looking through our phones or a camera lens instead of actually watching them with our eyes as they go through childhood. If you haven't already listened to that episode, it's worth your time. This episode, and constant questions from moms about how to get great pictures of their kids while still being in the moment, made me want to write this article.
As a photographer, it's always been SO important to me to remain present. I never want my children to remember being forced to take pictures, or to have my camera be a negative in any way. I want them to joyfully look at the images I've taken in our scrapbooks and not only remember those moments, but remember me being present in them. After four years of trial and error, I feel like I've finally achieved a perfect balance between getting the shots I want to remember the moment, and being present with my children.
Here is how I do it, and a few images from trips and experiences we've had to show you the results.
Make a shot list- If you are following me on instagram, you may have heard me talk about a bucket list, or shot list. This is a list, either physical or in your head, of your 'must-get' pictures. For example, we recently went cherry picking. I knew I wanted a picture of my daughter with her bag of cherries, pictures of them picking, and picture with us in them. I took my camera out for five minutes and got all of them done in that amount of time because I knew exactly what I wanted to shoot. I then put my camera away and played with my kids while we ran through the fields. Were there other cute moments? Sure. Did it matter? No. I had already gotten my must-get shots and everything else wouldn't have made it into the scrapbooks anyway. There is such a thing as too many pictures, guys.
Prioritize candids- It can be tempting to always want to get a picture of you and your kids smiling. Smiling in front of a monument, smiling and looking with the painting they just made, smiling and looking all the time. You know what? That's not childhood. Childhood is messy and hysterical and full of movement. Prioritize getting shots of them actually doing, instead of always asking them to look and smile. I can promise this will only breed resentment of you and your camera and eventually the smiles will turn into pouts as they age and begrudgingly do what is asked. Plus, you will treasure the image of them actually painting the picture more than the one with a fake smiling holding it.
Be flexible with your family portraits- When you are on vacation, or anywhere, really, know when you should ask for the family picture. Don't do it at every monument. In fact, I would recommend only doing it once a day on vacation, and once a week max in real life. When you do choose to do it, take it in one shot. Not in focus? One of your kids screaming? Let it go and try again another day. Letting your children play and enjoy their surroundings is so much more important than getting everyone in a picture smiling and looking. In fact, in our family, we do one take. One set of pictures and if the kids aren't having it, they aren't having it and we don't force it. We also often settle for a less traditional family portrait. If we know the kids are being ridiculous, we do one where we are ticking them. If we know they are in bad moods, we flip them upside down or throw them in the air. A picture with all four of us, no matter what emotional state the kids are in, is a win to me. In fact, these pictures below, with my kids being insane, are some of my very favorites.
Look at your kids, not your camera- If I know I want to take a picture or video of a big moment, like my kids' first steps or first birthday, I first try to find someone else to do it for me. If I can't, and I really, truly want that picture, I take my camera out and set it up at the right angle with the right settings, or take my phone out and get it ready. Then, I push the shutter or the play button as the moment is happening, but I pull my face away from the screen and watch it happen with my eyes. It may sounds stupid, but experiencing that moment in front of you, instead of on a screen, is SO SO important. Not just for us, but for our kids. It's kind of like watching a basketball game on the big screen above the game instead of the game itself. You miss the point of even being there if you aren't watching for real.
I hope these tips help you to be more present for your kids, while still allowing you to get amazing images of their childhood.
Want to learn more about how to get better photos of your kids while remaining present? It’s all in our course, Capturing Everyday Magic, your guide to taking better pictures of your kids and getting in the frame. You’'ll see professional photographer Tenley Clark and yours truly (Cristin More) photographing their own kids in real time to see the balance they strike between taking pictures and living in the moment.